the only way to properly identify the mood i'm suspended in…

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Posted by: raech07 Original: 7/28/2005 10:30 AM Views: 11 Comments: 2 eProps: 2 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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Thursday, July 28, 2005

the only way to properly identify the mood i'm suspended in at the present time is intense. i got to thinking about my life up to this point. all the fantasies i've harbored over the years regarding several vignettes of what i'd hoped life would amount to for me at various times of my life. i started thinking of how much a dreamer i was as a young girl. i honestly believed life would be this magical fairy tale with love and romance and impossibly orgasmic happy endings to everything.

it got me to wondering if anything romantic ever happens anymore. the stories we all watch in movies like can't hardly wait and never been kissed and cry at how adorably affectionate the whole affair is...do they ever really happen? even on a slightly smaller scale? is there anyone that i graduated with that held a deep, secret love inside of them all four years, and to this day thinks about and misses and wants for this high school heartache he or she could never reveal? is there someone i graduated with that maybe sacrificed himself enormously, put his heart and soul on the line for someone else, and never mentioned it, out of care and respect for someone else? do these things ever really happen?

are these only fantasies? is a situation like this so crazy and elaborate that life never takes such a valiant path? i want to know if people, in actuality, ever experience this kind of romanticism, really, in real life. or if it's something songwriters and movie producers and authors all know and understand is the highest point of desire in the american or human mind. and they write to all of the world's greatest desire to be loved and be bewildered by it. please tell me that great love still exists.

Posted 7/28/2005 10:30 AM - 11 Views - 2 eProps - 2 comments

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2 Comments

Like something out of a movie(stay with me), I loved this guy who also loved me for years. The timing was just never right. It went like this: He loved me so much he would have literally died for me. Only, I was with someone else and just wasn't feeling this guy or at least I thought. Finally after a couple of years, he painfully moved on. Then, almost over night, all of the sudden I realized I was madly in love with him too. I left my boyfriend who I was living with at the time and told my guy that I was wrong, sorry and ready to be with him. I was sure he still loved me too but he was with someone else. I was too late and OMG I've never been so hurt and upset in my life. Finally, I moved on. It took me a long time. I lost touch with this guy. Mainly, we did our best to stay out of each others way because it was so uncomfortably to see each other. I met this guy at church, fell in love and got engaged. No kidding, two weeks before I was getting married I went out with some girlfriends to a bar. We had a really good time but I left early because I just had a lot on my mind with getting married. I walked out to my car and on the windshield was a single red rose, no note. I smelled the rose and when I looked up there HE was. His name is Eric by the way. I would have never expected that I would have felt the way I did when I saw him. My stomach knotted up and I was so happy. He told me he loved me and has never quit thinking about me, etc. etc. I got married anyway. I was still in love with Eric but this time he was too late. I had a really huge decision to make but I was engaged to a wonderful man so I kept with my plans and told Eric I was sorry. I'm 23 and my husband is a wonderful man. He is soooo good to me and I love him. That still doesn't change the fact that the first two years of my marriage I secretly spent trying to forget about Eric. I still think about him. It's like this; if you never get to see what happens then you'll always wonder. Sorry this was so long. You actually got the short version. The point is that YES there are movies going on all around us. I still haven't decided if the people who get to experience them are the lucky or the unlucky few.

Posted 7/29/2005 11:31 AM by Anonymous - reply